it has been a long time since i've written. update. i am currently back in school. love it. my heart is beating again with passion. either nursing or paramedics. both i am very excited about. but lately, God has been calling me back into the things that make my heart rejoice. writing. painting. creating. baking. running.. so here it goes. he has been teaching me many things. its been a CRAZY season. probably the most difficult season i have encountered yet in this young life. no need to go into the details. but circumstances that seem so hopeless you don't even want to wake up the next morning for fear of "what else can go wrong". it seemed like every month i was given more news that filled me with despair and hopelessness. i was filled with despair, left alone, literally alone, as all my closest christian friends moved away to begin a new season of their lives. i didnt know what to do. filled with this despair yet excitement for them as i watched them pursue God and be given amazing opportunities. and i was just here in rochester. boring. (pity party)! through this i learned that God is such a jealous God that he will remove people/things (Anything) from your life that takes the place of Him. It took me so long to understand WHY? i am so grateful for the season of my life when i had these beautiful friends but seems like everyone just moved on. it is not easy meeting solid people in rochester especially when you are single and in your early twenties. hardly anyone stays in rochester at this stage in life. so its always this cycle of getting really close to people and then hearing they are moving away. never fails. in this time i swayed back and forth. my heart cried out I want more Jesus, but my flesh cried out WORLD! i was enjoying the people and "things of this world", played around, and eventually i came crying back to jesus. my spirit, mind and soul just constantly ached to be with the lord. the things and pleasures of this world are so short lived, its not worth it. jesus is the one i come crawling back to everytime. so thankful his mercies are new everymorning!
it has been a very difficult transition. starting over basically. in the midst of this (july) and all the other issues, my momma is diagnosed with cancer. huge shocker and devestation to the family. through prayers, she is doing great and going through treatment. through the power of God, she has been recieving treatment well. but still need to continue to pray cancer is completely gone, and never comes back.
Through this i am learning to thrive where I am. If God wanted me to get out of rochester I would have been LONG gone by now! but i am only waiting for the door to open and His voice to tell me to go. someday.
God has been giving me this brand new hope. reminding me that no matter how bad things are today, there is hope for my beautiful future. plans to prosper me, not to harm me. the joy of the lord is very much my strength these days! He will give me the desires of my heart! and oh my goodness, He KNOWS my desires! to fall in love and be loved, be a mom, to travel the world and love the unloved, be a friend to the friendless, a mentor, the less fortunate, minister to the broken women who have gone through "hell" in the sex industry ... and just have fun and live everyday like its my last!
my heart rejoices today even if everything seems to be falling apart. somehow i can honestly say i trust in the lord more than i ever have before. he has given me this peace that surpasses all understanding! He calls me by my name and tells me i am beautiful, tells me I have power, gives me strength, ignites my passions, gives me reason to live and best of all, HOPE! hope is powerful.
This life is full of ups and downs, but through it all, He walks with me through the fire!
