well hello! i thought i would just update everyone a lil on whats been going on since I got home from Maui! well miss it all so much. I miss all my beautiful friends.I miss southeast asia. I miss everything about ywam. it was the most amazing life changing six months of my life. so Ive been home for almost 2 months now and it definitely is a huge challenge being home and away from a constant 24/7 godly environment along with getting back into everyday life of working.. but i guess that is just reality. its brought me a lot closer to the lord and has given me vision and perspective for the future. after months of praying about my calling for life I really felt God telling me to go back into missions and to come back on staff with ywam! so currently I am in the middle of the application process and awaiting to hear if I have been accepted or not! I plan on coming back to Maui in March 09 so this will give me time to work and raise money for staff fee's. It will cost around 300 dollars a month to be on staff. I am so excited to pursue this calling, serve the base, encourage and disciple students and help send them off to southeast asia and hopefully lead teams on outreaches! i am happy about the calling the lord has placed on my life. its not just for maui or southeast asia, its everywhere i am everyday of my life. missions is a lifestyle and you don't have to overseas to be a missionary! thats the beauty of it all. we are all called to be missionaries. anyways, just a quick lil update and ill write more when i find out ive been accepted! please be praying! thanks!

back in maui

hmmm back in maui. paradise. its beautiful. its good to be back on amerian soil. got back last night after 2 days of long flights home. god is good and faithful. i am still overwhelmed by everything amazing that happened on outreach. where do you even start when someone asks you about it? it was so amazing and lifechanging and god showed me what missions really is. i feel like the indonesians blessed me more than we blessed them.. anyways he has given me vision and peace about what He wants for my life for the future. still surrendering and giving him my life and always will. this week will be super busy. debriefing with other teams and spending as much time as possible with my team. hopefully exploring more of the island before i leave. testimony night. grad night. so excited. my friends whom i will be leaving in a week. so sad. but am ready to go home. use what the lord has taught me here in maui. missing home. kinda scared about leaving this environment. discipline will be necessary when it comes to my relationship with the lord. anyways just rambling. love you all and miss you.

intimacy.

life for the past three months has been... life changing. exhilarating. captivating. challenging. adventorous. amazing. did things i never thought i was capable of doing. grew closer to god. fell in love with him more and more each day. i was given his heart for the people in southeast asia. thailand. indonesia. malaysia. brunei. its been amazing. i fell in love with the lord and with that came falling in love with serving people for the lord. god taught me so many things as he brought me through so many challenges. but each challenge drew me closer to my loving savior and caused me to cry out to him in all hardships. we spent the most time in indonesia. two months. traveled around 25 villages in 50 days. did 48 church services. childrens ministry. sports ministry. house visits. manual labor. teaching english. prayer walks. all in 50 days. an amazing 50 days. we encouraged. we discipled. we prayed for specific needs in house visits. we watched people break down and cry as we had just given them words from the lord. yes. house visits were where we got to meet people in the villages and encourage, disciple and pray specifically for needs. fell in love with the indonesians. the children. became best friends with 2 little girls natalia and litha. stayed at a village with them for 10 days. they followed me everywhere holding my hand as we walked together. sprained my ankle one day and they helped me up and walked me back to the house. children are blessings and gifts from god. was able to pour god's love on every person i met. language difference but that didnt stop us from the universal language..smile. god met us there. i met him all over again. amazing. so many stories. so little time.

as i am in brunei god has been doing so many amazing things. brunei is a small closed country on the island of borneo. the majority of the population in muslim. in fact christians are persecuted all the time.there is only one legal church in this country. people are not allowed to drink alcohol or smoke. curfew is at 10pm so they dont disturb the peace. its an extremely wealthy country. for the last week we've gotten involved with the church. we've been working with the youth and the youth leaders and these people are amazing! they are filled with so much passion, zeal and fire for the lord. even though they face persecution and punishment for the lord that doesnt stop them from serving the lord with ALL their heart soul and mind. worshiping with people of every tribe. nation. toungue. its a privelige. its something i cant describe. moves me to tears of joy to see people from different nations and tongues worshiping and serving the lord with all their hearts. i have fallen in love with missions. so exciting.

two days ago i fell in love with the lord all over again as he answered my prayers about intimacy. he revealed so much to me about intimacy with christ that i never understood before. this is what i wrote in my journal...

Lord. i long for deep intimacy with you. just as a woman longs for her husband to pursue her, you long for me to pursue you. to run after you. to love you. how mindblowing is that you want me to love you. pursue and run after you. who am i that you want me to pursue you?
get this. the vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships with us. God yearns for relationship with us. its the reason we were created. from cover to cover of the bible, gods cry is "why wont you chose me"? jeremiah 29:13 says "when you seek me with all your heart you will find me". he's crying out "look for me.pursue me.chase me. i wont just give myself to you you have to find me. i wont let you in unless i know you love me. you must seek me with all your heart and pursue me. he deserves our pursuit and to be sought after. god wants to be wanted. just as a woman longs to be desired so god longs to be desired. god yearns to share a life of intimacy, beauty and adventure with us. life with god should be a great romance. lord thank you for this new revelation. i desire a great romance with you. come by my lover, lets run away together you and I hand in hand. you desire to be wanted by me! I want you Jesus. you dont have to wait anymore cuz here i am answering to the knock on the door. i am at your feet i total surrender. here i am saying i love you my lover. my body is a living sacrifice to yo. i am here on this earth to be in relationship and romance with you and to bring glory to your name in all circumstances. I long for deep intimacy with you. my friend. lover of my soul. whats on your heart right now? let your light live in me so i shine brighter than the stars. breathe life into me holy spirit. it blows me away that you came down to earth and took the weight of the world on your shoulders for me. and yet you wanna be loved by me. thank you jesus!. dying on the cross was not all you came to earth for but you came to rescue me and set me free. you came for the brokenhearted. you came to ransom me and heal me. my broken wounded bleeding heart. jesus. you are a gentleman. you stand. you wait at the door knocking waiting for us to answer. but you do not force yourself on us. instead you wait for us. no matter how long it takes. you wait. when we try and find salvation in other things you intervene and make that salvation miserable so the only thing we wanna do is turn to you. Song of Songs says "you have stolen my heart my sister my bride". wait what? did the god of the universe just say I stole his heart? what? god says he is our bridegroom and i am his lover. his fiance. his bride. i am loved with a perfect everlasting love that will never forsake me. he will never break my heart. even though ive broken his heart timea and time again. he will never break mine. lord, ive been waiting for this intimacy. this love all my life and finally i am beginign to understand intimacy with christ and its blowing me away! ever since i was a little girl you have been in love with me waiting for me to understand how you love me. im not satisfied. i desire you. i want you. i love you. i need you to be the lover of my life. my hope is in you jesus. you are my portion. my life. i will wait for you as long as it takes. i will pursue you.chase you.run after you. wash over me. come be my intimate lover in this life you have given me. i am amazed. captivated. by this new profound revelation of the love and intimacy of christ. i feel like i just fell in love with you all over again!
anyways, thats just a little preview of the intimacy that christ has revealed to me. little preview of outreach.running out of time. oh how i love internet cafes. maui in 5 days. home sweet home in 14 days:) love and miss you all.

flames.

yesterday as I was staring out the window just watching everybody walk around the streets of Bangkok, God gave me this heartbreaking vision. As i was watching all the people walk around, specifically two men, all of a sudden I saw these two men on fire. and then i saw everybody around them on fire and flames surrounding them. they were all burning alive. their eyes were red and angry. i could see them crying and hurting. they were locked in hell for eternity. i just started crying. reality hit me to the core. god reminded me that all these people are going to hell because they dont know Him. these people that i am seeing right now are gonna spend eternity in fire and flames and torture with the devil. these people all around me are worshipping false idols and gods and are going to burn in hell for eternity. it broke me to the core.
God gave me Jeremiah 10 the other day and it was so awesome! i've just been praying over and over again that these gods who did not create the heavens and the earth, who cannot walk or talk, would be destroyed and perish. God is so good and I will never forget this vision for the rest of my life. it has changed the way I see the lost and I wish I could reach every single one of them but god told me the only thing I can do is reach the one person He puts in my path day after day.
indonesia in 2 days. crazy huh. excited and nervous. i know god is going to do awesome things out there! thank the lord for his goodness and faithfullness. it blows me away everyday!

Red Light District.

God is overwhelming me with His love and faithfulness. This week is full of challenges. my heart breaks for this country. I have fallen in love with the thai people and am amazed at the ways god has been using us here! We spent the week reaching out to thai people in the Slums and pouring out love on them.
on wednesday afternooon i was feeling really homesick and just having a hard time and dealing with culture shock. i was scared for the red light district not knowing what to expect.. on tuesday night God really just started preparing me for the red light district that we were going to go to on wednesday and i just had this heaviness in my heart all tuesday night and all day wednesday. I just kept praying and crying out for FREEDOM over this country and over the women in Pattaya and bangkok where the red light district is. so we left at 4:00 to go to phat pong which is where the red light district is. when we got there i was overwhelmed. it was horrible. the streets were filled with hotels, strip clubs and bars. within the first 5 minutes of being there Me and shawna were just standing there and this guy came up to us and asked us if we were looking for a 'job". it made us so mad. these men here are pigs. but we have to try so hard not to judge them because for them its an addiction. these men need just as much reaching out to as these women do. anyways, we ended up splitting up into groups, so I went with Calla and our translater Pook. we prayed and asked god to open the doors for us. so we were walking down the street and we all felt like we should go to this bar. so we went in. and all of a sudden Calla started freaking out because there was this bar girl that she had met last year at the same bar who was there working! they both recognized eachother! so we sat down and got a drink and began talking to her and getting to know her and telling her about god. we asked her if she was happy and she said she hated it there. she was only working here to make money for her family and give to her parents. she works from 6pm-6am and only makes 100 baht a night. 500 baht on a good night. she actually remembered calla telling her about God last year. she says she has no time to think about jesus and doesnt want to leave buddhism. but she said she would think about jesus and think and research christianity. she was the sweetest lady i've ever met and it was such a blessing to be able to talk to her and tell her how much god loves her. so we spent on hour sitting at the bar just ministering to her and she didnt even want us to leave. it was so awesome! all the other girls from our team had wonderful stories about the girls they were able to minister to! God has really given me a heart for these women and I really want to go back. On saturday we have a free day so Me, Lauren, Shawna, Ashley and Melissa are going to take a taxi and go back to the red light district and spend the night talking and ministering to the people there. so please pray that god will use us and open the doors and soften the hearts of the ones he wants us to talk to!
I dont have time to talk about what the rest of the week has been like but i will just say it has been amazing! i love this country and really would love to come back someday for a longer outreach. On monday my team leaves to go to Indonesia to start the next part of our outreach! this is the part where I will need the most prayer. it will be very challenging and I am so excited!
God bless!

I'm in Thailand!!!

I arrived in thailand at 3:30 in the morning yesterday after about 30 hours of traveling time! my first time being in a foreign country besides australia and I am in culture shock! this city of bangkok is unbelievable! everything about it is so different and i love it.
i already have such a heart for these peope. this country. yesterday as we were walking around bangkok in the markets we saw this beggar lady so we bought her a shake and gave it to her and the smile on her face was priceless. that is what i wanna live for. serving god. serving others. myself last. i just wanna love those who don't know what love is. speak for those who don't have a voice. God is changing me continously and showing me things in a new light.
today we toured four different buddhist temples. these temples are unbelievable. as i watched hundreds and hundreds of people bowing down to these false gods i started crying. what kind of fullfillment or satisfaction is there in that? but god began to speak to me and tell me that this is a way of life for people that has been passed down from generation to generation. they dont know any different. they are scared to jump into something new. there was such a demonic spirit of darkness over these temples. i can even feel it in the air. thailand is 95% buddhist and 1% muslim. can you believe it? my prayer is that God's presence would be stronger than any other demonic presence in this country. may I be a walking testimony of Christ and the Holy Spirit dwell inside of me. please pray for the oppressed people of thailand. may there eyes and ears be open to God's presence.
there is so much to say right now but i am running out of time. i'll write more the next time.
i love you and miss you all!
maryssa

two days....

ahhh this week has been full of craziness. a million different emotions piling high as we began packing for outreach! wow. i'd never felt so many emotions up and down all at once. it feels like just yesterday i was arriving here in maui and already we are leaving in 2 days for outreach. i broke down and cried so many times. not even sure why. its so hard to say goodbye to all my friends here. not being able to call home for three months will be so hard. im going to a foreign country where there will be noo comfort whatsoever. its so hard to leave the comforts of maui and the ability to call home everyday and internet.. dont get me wrong i am totally excited for everything to come, but its hard to say goodbye to the last couple months and hello to the next 3 months. but god says to rejoice in trials and sufferings. so i am rejoicing for i will be blessed. i leave for thailand at 4:15 in the morning on wednesday and will be having around 30 hours of travel time and we will be there for ten days. in bangkok thailand we will be going on temple tours and working with the red light distric. we will have a couple days of free time where there is lots of fun stuff and shopping to do. after those ten days, my team will travel to pontianak indonesia where we will begin outreach! it will be the hardest three months i've ever expereienced in my life but i am so ready to go out and do what god brought me here to do! its exciting and terrifying at the same time. please pray for strength for me and my team as this outreach will be extremely tiring and challenging especially in the high heat in Borneo. pray that he will give us strength when we feel we can't go on. pray for team unity. pray that god will use us abundantly. pray that the people of borneo will be open to what we have to say. pray that we will have favor with the indonesians! pray that all of us will give 500% effort 100% of the time. we are here to invest in the indonesians and pour love out on them!
I am so excited for this! thanks for all those who supported me. comments are great. i will update as much as possible although internet will be a rare occasion in borneo! i love and miss you all and am so excited to see you in the summer!
p.s. please pray that god will give me direction and guidance for what i am going to do after my DTS. i feel like He is calling me to come back here for a staff position but i really wanna be 100% sure that that is his will for my life! im up and willing to do whatever he has for me!
love you!

my heart breaks.

After two months of praying for God's heart for the nations and for the lost, He has finally given his heart to me. It breaks. for the first time in my life my heart is truely breaking for the lost and for those who know of Him but choose not to follow Him. It hurts. Its overwhelming. I feel such a heaviness. this must be what God feels second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. His heart breaks. His heart grieves. He weeps over us. He watches us do our own thing day after day and it grieves Him. For the past three nights He has kept me awake. i haven't slept. my appetite is gone. its to the point where nothing else matters but persistent steadfast prayer, intercession and fasting until I see the many people He has laid on my heart come to know Jesus. its sad that it took this long for me to feel the heart of God and to feel what he feels. breaking point. tears. don't know what to do except to pray until I see change.
in 9 days we leave for thailand. on april 7th my team will be arriving in Malaysia and then heading into the jungles of Borneo to minster to villages. please pray for us. pray for team unity, health, protection and most of all that God will use us beyond our imagination to reach the lost. minister hope to the hopeless. love the unloved. heal the sick... i am so excited to get out there and do what God has called me into. not gonna lie.. kinda scared. but thats okay. God is with us always.
i love you all and miss you!
maryssa

me and elias. (the base director's son) so adorable.




shawna and me.

hangin out.

on the top of a mountain...


borneooo girls at ohana coffeenight last night.

calla lauren and me!


me and dan ohana night.

just me. on our porch outside our room.

me and lauren.

time is running out. two weeks and i will be in Thailand.. wow. im taking a deep breath. in about 3 weeks i will be in indo... wow even bigger breath. finding it hard to believe that ywam is half over already. crazy thought. an even crazier thought is thinking how unreal it is that i'll be spending the next three months in the villages of Borneo! wow. ha.
well god has been so faithful and amazing. been dealing with a lot of wounds. lies from the enemy. judgements. last week was new hearts week. very emotional. crazy. dealing with a lot of pain from relationships in my past that have destroyed a lot of who i am. just trying to recover. not going into much detail. kinda personal. allowing god to do what he has to do to heal and restore me. just the beginning. a lifetime ahead of healing and restoring that has to take place. still an emotional wreck at times. but its good. it means that god is still bringing things up in my life. lovin the changes. praying for more. becoming the woman he created me to be. not there yet. still striving.
prayer and fasting. its a lifestyle. it should become a lifestyle. god told me to fast once a week for the people i love. this is war. spiritual warfare. fighting against the enemy. will NOT let him win. pray and fast till i see change. god is faithful and he will continue to prove himself faithful. praise god. thank you lord. wont stop praying. wont stop fasting. wont stop interceding for change.
got baptized a week ago. in the pacific ocean. pretty powerful. awesome. fun. waves were 10-15 feet high. body surfed the waves for the rest of the afternoon.
i love the lord with all my heart. praise him for the great things he has been doing in my life. only the beginning of an amazing journey with my savior.
miss home so much. love you all. cant wait to see your faces again in july.

get this.

God is not deaf to the cries of the 750 million will go to sleep every night with their stomachs gnawed with hunger.
He knows the name of everyone of the 20 million children will curl up to sleep on the pavements of South American cities tonight.
He wept over the 40,000 children died yesterday from hunger.
He sees the 21 will die of hunger by the time you finish reading this sentence.
He watches the 900 million around the world sleep in shanties of cardboard or scraps of tin and the 100 million lie down and will have no roof over their heads.
He weeps over the 100,000 die everyday without having heard the His name.
He knows by name of every individual among the 2.5 billion worldwide are still waiting to hear the gospel.
these are heart-wrenching stats. breaks my heart. this world is in desperate need of a savior. desperate need for people like you and me to rise up and pray. intercede. fast. get on our faces. nothing ele matters. for those who are hurting, oppressed and unreached. gods heart breaks for these people. so does mine.

i am ready.

god is so good.
seeing and feeling his unconditional love for me for the first time in my life. still grasping onto it and living in amazement because His love is so real and indescribable.
learning what love is and what love isnt.
hitchiking and getting rides from strangers in Paia and Kahului and being able to share god's love with them in the car. opportunties to pray for healing, preach the gospel, encourage, love and set forth an example of who Jesus is all in a 15 minute car ride. watching them wait in wonder and question more and more as we tell them about Christ. what an awesome open door.
hurting as my heart aches for these people in this lost and fallen world. praying. interceding. fasting. crying out to God to win the souls of this lost world and win this battle against the enemy.
becoming ALIVE because god has truely set me free. he set me free from the lies of the enemy that i've believed all my life. learning and seeing how detrimental the lies of the enemy really are to my life. being able to look in the mirror for the first time and believe and know that what God says about me is true.
passionate about this world. these nations.
ready to see change before my eyes. ready to see god move back at home. ready to see god move in Indo. ready to do whatever god asks me to do.
im bare and lying naked before him in full and total surrender.
i surrender it all to him because he surrendered it all for me.
desperate. hungry. thirsty for more. not satisfied. need more. want more. need more. never satisfied. wont be satisfied.
its hard to believe but in 24 days I leave for Bangkok Thailand. ready for red light district.
34 days we will be in Borneo. ready to be used as a vessel. ready for the never ending 10 hour vehicle rides sitting on the tops of cars, riding in the back of pickups for hours on end, c crazy rides on motorcycles. five hour boat rides down narrow rivers in tiny skinny canoes. ready for the 110 degree days daily. ready for the many many house visits. ready to bathe in the muddy rivers, maybe not get to shower at all. ready to sleep on the ground and get eaten alive by mosquitoes.ready to eat things like python, dog, squirrel, crocodile and chicken face. ready to work and push myself till i feel like i can't do anymore until i cry out to god for more strength.ready to face my worst fear of snakes. ready to not be able to call home for three months. ready to do whatever it takes,
ready for all night prayer.ready to preach the gospel. ready to intercede. ready to share my testimony. ready to pray for healing. ready to play with kids who long for love and affection. ready to minister worth and value to hurting women. ready to pour out love and just serve these hurting and oppressed people.
why? because god called me here. he called me to be a missionary. i am a missionary right now right here right then.
i long to see change. i long to see healing.restoration. people running to Jesus. long to see women see themselves the way that jesus sees them.
ready to step out in faith. trust in god fully. embrace him and everything he has for me.
i am a missionary.
im going out there with a smile on my face because thats where he called me to.
what an amazing privelage this is.
god is so good.

Walking barefoot.

Aloha!!!
I've had some really amazing refreshing times with the Lord this week.
Well last night as I was having my quiet time with the Lord I felt His presence in such a powerful way it almost moved me to tears. I was reading the book "Making Jesus Lord" ( I recommend you read this book) and what I was reading just hit me so hard. I would really like to share some things out of this book that is changing my life and stirring up more of a passion to know about Jesus in my heart.
In Chapter 2 of this book Loren Cunningham (the author and founder of YWAM) is talking about walking barefoot. Jesus walked barefoot to Calvary. The significance of this is in Jesus's time was that if you walked barefoot it meant you were a slave. A slave had no rights. In the burning presence of God Moses was asked to give up his rights. Jesus became a slave for our sakes. Jesus freely surrendered all of His rights for us. He surrendered the right to a normal birth, the right to marriage and to be with His earthly family, the right to money ( he once had to ask someone to borrow a coin for a sermon illustration), his reputation, but it goes even further than that. Jesus surrendered the right to a normal death. He gave up the right to life itself and became obediant to death on a cross, it was a death reserved for the worst criminals of our day. He was burried in a borrowed tomb, than He tore away His very last right by descending to the depths of Hell itself.
As I was reading this last night I had this unexplainable feeling because I felt like I was hearing this for the first time in my life. It hit me in a way I just can't explain. Jesus gave up everything so you and I could have it all. Jesus wants us to follow him walking barefoot, losing our rights and gaining the world. Only by taking Jesus' example into every part of our lives will we be able to win in life, ruling and reiging in Him.
So this is how it works, God gives us rights, the right to a family, to have good things and many other basic blessings. God is asking us to give Him back these rights because its the only way we can truely express our love back to Him. Being barefoot is the sign of humility, of having given up all. To go barefoot, God promises possession of the nations, to rule and reign with Jesus, the returning King of kings Lord of Lords!

Kona has been amazing...

Healing. Restoration. Deeper Revelations of My Saviors Love for Me. Breaking. Tears. Stronger Friendships and relationships. Freedom to dance and worship like David danced. Stepping out of comfort zones. Learned about hawaiian culture and protocol. Invited the Holy Spirit to every one of our meetings. Joined together as one nation from every tribe and tongue and worshiped God. Fun crazy nights hanging out by the pier and playin beach vollyball in downtown Kona.
Its all happening here at Kona at the U of N. It was a huge gathering with all the U of N students and all of the other bases on the Islands of Hawaii. God has been doing so many amazing things here in Kona this week! I have been having such an awesome time and I'm sad to say we leave this afternoon to fly back to Maui.
Anyways, I'll give more about it later but for now here are some pics!

Radical Abandonment to Christ.

Sitting here in Kona taking it all in. Everywhere I turn I am surrounded by pure beauty, He is all around me.tStill waking up every morning asking myself am I really here? How blessed I am that He chose me and called me into a place where I can worship Him, Intercede, Pray, Dive deep into the word and discover more about my Savior and Fall more in love with Him everyday and be discipled and equipped to reach the nations in a 24/7 setting! How blessed I am that He chose me to to go to Thailand, Malaysia, Brunei and Borneo to teach villages about God's love and pour out kindness and comfort to these lost and hurting people. How can I do that when I have selfish desires? As I was sitting in the harbor tonight staring at the crashing waves I thinking and talking to God and I was telling Him how I am Not satisfied right now. I want and long for more of Him. But He told me I need to repent and change a lot of things in my life. So this is what He laid on my heart and told me to do and change in my life.
I pray that I can love everyone around me like God loves us. I pray I can see the hearts of people like God sees our hearts.Today I felt like I really needed to repent for being selfish and for at times for being prejudiced against certain people. I have missed out on so many opportunities to reach out to people because of a dumb prejudgment. Too often I think about me, what are my needs? I pray that I will begin to see everyone else's needs before my own. I pray for the heart of a servant to serve others gladly and unselfishly. I pray that automatically I will put others before myself. I don't want to be selfish anymore. I pray for tears, I pray God will break me.I pray for forgiveness because I have been desensitized to the evils and wickedness of this world, so I pray for tears and grief when I hear of the wickedness and I pray for the heart of an intercessor. I pray that God will give me His heart of the nations and everywhere around me.I ask that God tell me whats on His heart and mind so I can pray and intercede for others as God is always praying and interceding for us. I cry out to God and ask Him to give me His passions for the nations so that I can pray for what is on His heart. I pray and cry out for dreams and visions in the middle of the night, I cry out to hear God's voice, I ask for pictures and names and prophetic words for this city and for my outreach locations. I cry out for open doors in the community, at the mall, at wal-mart, in the streets of Paia, everywhere. I pray for the stamp of Jesus on my forehead so that everywhere I go Jesus will be seen in me. I want to die to myself. I pray for a bigger passion for Jesus because passionless Christianity is worthless and is no threat to the devil. I pray for radical abandonment for Christ. Without abandonment to God, our hearts sink into restlessness, boredom and frustration. If we have nothing to die for we have nothing to live for. I am so desperate for more. I am desperate for an intimate relationship with my Savior.
I am willing to step out of my comfort zone and allow God to take me into places I never would have dreamed of. I wanna be in a place where sleeping and eating don't matter. I wanna be in that place where God is more important than anything and everything. Radical Abandonment to Christ. Sold out for Jesus. Am I willing to fast and pray and get on our knees and pray for God's heart, pray for revival, cry out and weep for the nations, pray for healing, deliverance, salvation? I wanna be at that point in my relationship with God where nothing else matters. I want to say yes to all of these.

This week has been amazing!

Here's a little update
of what happened last week!
Last week Monday through Friday the whole base went on a media fast. We weren't allowed to talk on the phone, no music, no magazines, no internet, nothing! it was hard at first but the whole point of this fast was to build better relationships with everyone around us but first and foremost with God.
Wednesday night we had a Ohana dinner and dance party. Ohana means family in the Hawaiian language. We all got dressed up and had a fancy dinner and dance and it was pretty fun!

Me and my outreach leader Calla!

Anna, Joel and Me. We're all going to Borneo together!

Me and Melissa!
Friday night I went to this realllly beautiful contemporary church in Kihei on the other side of the island. Worship was amazing and the Holy Spirit was there that night. I plan on going to church every friday night!!

in Kihei at church!

Saturday night was 80's dance party night! We all had a blast and dressed up like the 80's and had a great time dancing!

yeah 80's!

the girls!

annd the boys.
Sunday we all left and got on a plane to go to Kona at University of the Nations which is on the Big Island of Hawaii. It was a short 26 minute flight.

we were waiting in line for security.. lonng line!

Borneo girls waiting in line for security!

These are my two awesome outreach leaders!

Me and Calla before boarding our flight.

And we finally arrived in beautiful sunny Kona after a short 26 minute flight!

Sara, Ashley and Me exploring Kona!
Now its monday and Kona is beautiful! Its true paradise here. We are staying on campus and I am staying in a dorm room with about 8 other girls. I love the university setting here. God has already moved in powerful ways. He healed one of our girls from scoliosis this morning as she was crying because she was in such agonizing pain! Then we heard this amazing and moving testimony from this afghanistanian girl. It moved me to tears. When I look at her I see her as a miracle a thousand times over.

hanging out in Kona today.

I am in love with an awesome real God. More and more everday He shows me His love for me. I am blessed to be here in such a beautiful paradise surrounded by the most amazing people. We have all grown to be such a close united family here in Maui and I am so excited for what God has in store!
I will be in Kona until Friday afternoon so I will continue to update what God is doing here!

A glimpse of His love for me.

Every time I enter into His presence I begin to catch a tiny glimpse of His love for me. He has been doing so many things in my life over the last three weeks.
This week is Holy Spirit week. Our speaker is Maria Daughtry and she is an amazing and gifted woman of God. So on monday morning I was sick with the flu and I was like "No Im not gonna let the devil bring me down during this week cuz I know God has something really special for me this week". So i was sitting there in worship and lecture on monday morning just feeling so sick so I went to lay down in my bed for about 20 minutes and I felt something telling me I should go back out into the lecture hall even though everything in my body was saying "NO DONT MOVE"! So I went against my physical self and decided to go back out there and about 5 minutes after I sat down Maria said she had some prophetic words for some people. She said that she knows to pray for someone because either their face will be illuminated or they will stand out ALOT. So in my head im thinking "she's never gonna pick me out of the 40 people that are sitting here right now". So i close my eyes and I just begin to pray and all of a sudden I hear foot steps walking towards me... and then I open my eyes and there she is in front of me telling me she had a word for me and wanted to pray for me. So I was like "YES God is listening to me and has not forgotten about me ha"! So I went up there and I cant really remember what she said but I just remember her saying alot about healing and restoration plus many other really good things that I cant remember(I wish i did). and she also said I would be filled with songs once again which was really cool because when I was younger I used to write songs and poems and spend hours journaling and writing these songs and I also remember singing myself to sleeep with worship songs when i was younger. So everything she said was right on.
So that night we had a "soft opening" to the Holy Spirit and God showed up in such an amazing powerful way. People were manifesting, falling to the ground, prophesing, groaning, weeping and wailing and I could just sense His deep presence in that room. All the meanwhile I was just standing there crying out to God just soaking everything in with nothing happening to me. I was like "Why God Why"? Well God told me its not about emotionalism. Everybody reacts to the Holy Spirit in different ways. Well I still left that night feeling discouraged not knowing whether I was filled with the Holy Spirit.
Well last night the same thing happens again. God shows up in an amazing and powerful way and again i feel like im just standing there worshipping once again and am begging Him to fill me up yet I am feeling like nothing big is happening to me. So then they told us we could come up for prayer if we wanted more of Jesus (and of course I do) so I ran up to the front. Well Im up there begging and crying out to God, telling Him to do what He wants with me, saying Yes and Im willing for Him to have His way in my life, and still nothing big happens. As I was standing there I began to feel like God was telling me that its not going to happen tonight and right now He is preparing my heart for what is going to happen and when it will happen. God told me He was teaching me perseverance and to be persistent. So the whole rest of the night I kept asking and asking knowing it wouldnt happen that night but excited for when it would happen. I was then filled with such a peace and excitement for what is going to come.
Also I was told Maria has another word for me that she got last night but cant tell me yet because its not the right timing, so now i have that to look forward to! Soaking in the presence of God was so refreshing last night and I feel like thats what He needed me to do is to be persistent and persevere while soaking in His presence.
One more thing, I got a word from our speaker last week that I was going to be filled with the gift of prophesy. well this week I have been stepping out of my comfort zone and have been getting words from God for people I dont even know and I have been learning to trust in Him that these words are from God and not from myself! So thats been really exciting and cool!
Anyways, God has been teaching me so many things and wiping out so many false things I have thought about Him. My perception of Him has changed since I got here in so many wonderful ways. I realize that He doesn't hold my past against me, that He has truely forgiven me and that God is all for me and not against me. He is overwhelming me with His true love and forgivness that He is pouring down on me. I have begun to feel so much freedom and healing as I begin to understand the true character of God because even though i did a lot of really stupid things in my past, He doesnt care! And I realize that the last few years He has been pursuing me and longing for me to run to Him but I kep pulling back because I felt like i wasn't worthy enough becuase of things going on in my life at that time. I dont have to think that anymore because God has given me a new revelation of His love for me and it screams out FREEDOM!
Anyways, thats just a little update of whats been going on since sunday! Sorry its so long!
love you all!
God Bless,
Maryssa

A sense of belonging.

me and samara on girls day at baby beach in Paia!

i LOVE this girl!

ALOHA!

I have been in Hawaii for a little over 2 weeks and God has been doing so many amazing things in my life! He has blessed me with really great relationships. I feel like this is where I belong so I have been praying about applying and joining staff here in Maui once my DTS is done. My outreach leader and I went out for coffee on Wednesday night and I was telling her about my feeling like this is where i belong and i feel like I have purpose and leadership here, so she suggested i really begin praying about joining staff after my DTS! I am excited to hear what God says! If you feel like praying for me, please pray for direction and guidance after DTS and that I will be able to hear the voice of God leading me unto the right path.
God has been stirring up such a passion in my heart for the nations and even for the people here on the island of Maui. We spent an hour on Thursday morning interceding and praying for the Island and People of Maui and our individual outreach locations. God has been showing me that I really need to begin to pray for open doors and opportunities to reach out to the people here in Maui and to be ready in and out of season. This last week God has been answering my prayers and blessing me and giving me opportunities to talk to strangers and tell them why Im here! I have been blessed with so much boldness and have been able to walk up to random strangers in Paia and strike up conversation with them. I have been able to tell so many people about YWAM and what our mission is and talk about how we are going to tell people about Jesus. I just pray that God will use these conversations and strike up a hunger and wonder in these people's hearts even if I walk away without being able to lead them to Christ. And I also pray that this hunger and wonder will cause these people to seek God out until they find Him.
Another thing God has been showing me is how to pray and the importance of prayer and fasting and everything that I have been missing over the years. For a long time, my prayers would consist of selfish things and I basically forgot what and who actually needs prayer. This week my heart has felt broken as I have begun to realize that there are families back at home in desperate need of healing, comfort, miracles and restoration, Also God has been showing me that I really need to begin to pray hard for abortion to and other huge world matters.He has just been filling up my heart with the desire to pray and fast about so many things right now that it has become so overwhelming.
In 2 weeks we will be flying to the big island of Hawaii to Kona to spend one week at the University of Nations! All of the ywam Hawaii bases will be coming so there will be over 800 students! It will be a powerful week and I am so excited!
Some more good and exciting news is that our whole entire base is going to Bangkok Thailand at the end of march for one week!!!!!! I am so excited to go to Thailand since lately within the last year I have had a huge heart for this country.
I am totally excited for my outreach in Indonesia in April! I have such a heart for the children of Indonesia since these children are this country's future generation. I feel that way about the children of any country.
Please join in prayer with me for outreach finances. I still need most of my finances which is around 3000 dollars (first half due on feb.7), so please pray that God will provide! God works in mysterious ways and that is definetly something i've been learning lately.
Hello to my wonderful family back at home, I am so blessed and thankful to have such a loving and supportive family! I miss and love you all so much!
Mahalo!

Im going to Borneo!

ALoha from Hawaii!



Laundry day!


Beach Day!

Me and Rebecca

Beach Day in Kihei!

Grocery shopping at safeway (sooooo expenisve ha)

anna (on my outreach team), angela and me.




Outreach Locations:)))

1. Borneo

2. Nepal/Bangledesh

3. ch!na

GUESS WHAT??? Im going to Borneo Indonesia for my outreach! I am so excited and feel so strongly about this country and have heard awesome stories about Borneo from previous outreach trips! Please pray for my awesome team that I will be going with, pray for unity and pray that God will prepare us starting right now. Pray that our hearts will be open to the voice of God and that God will use all us in tremendous ways!

Also pray for the Ch!na team and the Nepal/Bangledesh teams!

I also ask that you please pray and conisder supporting me for finances for outreach. I still need about 3000 dollars which is due in february. I know God will provide otherwise He wouldn't have brought me this far! So please please please pray that God will make a way.

Everything else has been going great here, it is so great to be around so many people who are passionately in love with Jesus and continue on growing closer to Him each and everyday. We are all also growing closer together since this is our family for the next 6 months!

God Bless,

Maryssa

Opening Night!

some of the girls and I on the base before Opening Night.

me, shawna and lauren

Ashley, Calla, Shawna, Lauren and Me.

Ashley, Me and Angela on Opening Night of DTS.

Week One:Lecture

On Wednesday morning life on the base was so much better than what i had experienced sunday-tuesday night during exodus.
We started off the morning with this amazing powerful speaker and his name is Andy byrd. He's just one of those guys where the light of God just radiates off him as he speaks.
I dont even know where to begin describing about what he was talking about so I will just write down what is on my heart. (bear with me and forgive me if its not making sense)!

God is ready to hand us radical abandonment as long as we are ready to hang on to it.
I wanna leave with saying "the one thing I desire is that i can gaze upon the beauty of Jesus".
I dont wanna live my life focusing on lesser lovers and beauty's. Our hunger will lead us to the beauty of Jesus.
so many of us (me) are constantly dealing with leftover baggage, shame and guilt of our past which causes us to think that we dont measure up to what God has for us. We continue to go in cycles of beating ourselves up for a couple days after we sin until we can no longer beat ourselves up anymore. Then at that point we decided its finally okay and time to confess and repent because we beat ourselves up so much, but then we do the same sin again and go through that same cycle of beating ourselves up and repentance again. Its because we have not yet had a revelation of Gods love for us that we continue to go through this cycle of shame, guilt and condemnation. If we only knew the true beauty of Jesus then we wouldnt get into any of these sins.
Revelation of falleness is crucial to understanding the grace of God, We have all failed Jesus, but we can't dwell on that. God is bigger than our falleness and there is nothing that can qaulify us for unforgiveness.
God wants to use our failures, guilt, and condemnation to give us deeper revelations. We all carry around an incredible amount of guilt and wake up daily thinking we dont measure up to God. We keep falling into the same patterns of daily sin life. but failure of the past and present is what will bring us into a deeper revelation of Gods love for us.
This story in the bible amazes me. John 8:1-3.
it is about the woman caught in adultery. the accusers bring her to Jesus and say "what should we do with this woman"? (the summarized version).
but Jesus says "if anyone of you is without sin let him be the first to throw a stone at her".
all the accusers left and it was only the woman and Jesus left.
This is what Jesus said to the woman "Go and live a life without sin , Neither do I condemn you".
WOW! This woman was caught in the actual act of adultery which would cause her by law to be stoned to death but Jesus just let her walk away and told her to sin no more!
Only when we truely see Jesus as our lover is when we see the damage of our adultery.
Own up to adultery so that Jesus can take it.
Im almost finished (sorry if this is choppy)
Intimacy without surrender is adultery. Its time to come to the point of total surrender. What can compare to the beauty of christ? everything we have is nothing. Surrendering is not about what we are giving up but is actually about what we are gaining.
Today we stand at the point of surrender, only if we have the understanding of a true revelation of who we are surrendering to. Sacrifice is about what we are gaining.
If the world encountered christians who had true intimacy with Jesus, than the world would come running to Jesus. Lets all be sold out for Jesus everywhere!
The purpose of life is to glorify and enjoy Him forever.
Psalms 45 1, 10-11: God is incredibly enthralled with our beauty. He desires his people.
Song of Songs 4:9: You have ravished my heart with one glance of your eye.
God is sitting and waiting for one glance with you and when he does get that one glance He is enthralled with our beauty. What happens when we lock eyes with our savior, if we begin starring at Him? He is just sitting alone day after day and waiting for that one glance.

This is just a tiny bit of what we have been learning so far in DTS. Like i said, God is just begining to give me more understanding of who he is and it has only just begun!

Exodus

annnnd the story begins... and what a story it is.

so it all began saturday night when we were told that bright and early at 5am on sunday morning we would be leaving on an "exodus".. we were only allowed to bring the following things. (this includes what we were already wearing).

1 tshirt.

1 sweatshirt.

2 pairs of underwear.

1 pair of shorts/pants.

1 sleeping bag.

backpack.

bible.

notebook.

camera.



and thats it. wait. no toothbrush, no showers, no pillow? yah thats right.

so sunday morning comes and we get ready to go on this exodus. oh and did i tell you we didnt even know where we were going or for how long it would be?

so we get into groups of 5 and begin the morning by doing a camera scavenger hunt around Paia and Kahului. yeah that was fun at least. after the scavenger hunt we had to hitch into kahului and then into Iao Valley (which was beautiful). when we finally got a ride in the back of a pickup truck the rain started pouring and we got soaked, (it was fun though).

so then we all get into the vans once all the teams met up in Iao Valley and we get driven into the middle of nowhere. we were gonna be camping out about 100 yards away from the beautiful ocean (still we dont know how long). were sleeping on the ground under the stars with just a sleeping bag. we ate ramen noodles for lunch and dinner everynight, and for breakfast we had plain dry oats. oh and did i mention that we had to use the same styrofoam bowl and chopsticks for each meal? (yes now i know how to use chopsticks!)

oh annnd for the toilets we dug a hole in the ground and thats what we used for three days. No showers, no deoderant, no toothpaste,the same clothes we had for three days, nothing for three days! it was disgusting, dirty and uncomfortable.

yeah. so on tuesday we were stil there and they told us to pack up so we could go to our next destination. I was like "wow" my birthday just isnt going very well today. im stuck in the middle of nowhere, i dont know when im going home, i just wanna talk to my family, take a shower, eat some normal food, and just get outta here cuz its alreay been so long.

Well we thought that we were going somewhere else to camp out. it turns out that we were taken to this church where we were met with all of the YWAM staff where they were cheering for us. We were like "what"???

it turns out they had prepared this amazing candlelit feast for all of us. we couldnt believe it.

we were being all ecstatic and jumping up and down because it was finally the end of exodus! Ive never seen anyone filled with so much joy as I did that night.

so as we are eating, the staff begins to tell us how they are here to serve us and how Jesus washed the disciples feet, now they were all going to wash our feet.

so after dinner all of the DTS staff served us by washing our feet. it was a very amazing and humbling experience. then we had an amazing time of worship.

Already God is begining to open my eyes and give me a little bit of understanding of His love for me. I am so excited about what God has already done and what he will do in the next six months!

Aloha from hawaii!

riding in the back of a pickup!


hookipia beach

hookipia beach!

Me and Melissa in Paia!

eating coconut meat (it wasnt good)

drinking coconut milk for the first time!

me, emily, angela and kristina on baldwin beach in maui!

finally made it to hawaii!

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Tonight is opening night where there will be worship, introduction of the staff members and other "stuff". Next week we will find out the outreach locations!

Today we spent the day hitchiking our way to the beach! It was a beautiful hot and sunny day! (sorry to all of you who are in dreary snowy weather:-(.