dreaming for this city.

He's the God of this City. He's the God of THIS city. He's the God of YOUR city. wherever you are, He is the God of this city. think about it. this captivates my heart. and then the song goes on to say "greater things are YET to come. Greater things! light of the darkness. hope to the hopeless. peace to the restless. there is Noone like our God.  the lord has been stirring my heart, giving me such a love for this city. and let me tell you, it is definetely a heart change from the lord, because all i could ever dream about doing before was getting out of rochester and far away from it!
this new heart is causing me to dream. big. look at what might happen if the lord were to break forth like this city has never seen before. like our eyes have never seen before.
In rochester, we have the great and amazing Mayo Clinic. we have major influence. major medical influence. people coming from ALL over the world. prestigious, royalty, anyone who seeks further medical help that can't get it from where they are in the world, come to rochester! these are people who are basically coming to us as their "only hope" or "last chance". we also have IBM (international business machines). again, people coming from all over to work and train for this company.  its a big deal.
this means that our city is kind of like a "melting pot" in a sense. people from every culture coming here! We have major influence in so many ways. If God were to come and drop His glory on our city, it could transform the world! like a domino effect. His glory spreads throughout the city, touches doctors and nurses who are directly working with patients, which then hits the patients, which then the patient carries the presence of God with them to their hometown or country. like a domino effect. god brings revival, it then spreads through the world. this is what im dreaming about and praying for. since i've been a little girl, this has been the cry of my heart. to see this domino effect happen throughout the world. Jesus says "every tribe and toungue will bow down and worship the lord. YES! yes!
with this dream, i dream for downloads and revelations to doctors. i dream and truely believe in my heart that there is a cure for cancer. i know that extensive research is being done, and there are a lot of theories, but i believe that God gives us all gifts and talents, and for those amazing medical professionals, He will download amazing clues and cures for incureable diseases and cancers. rochester is the brewing place for this.
If God came and wrecked this city for Him and His glory, just think of the endless possibilities of what could happen. my mind is racing thinking about it.
there are so many people that need jesus. this world needs more of jesus. so much more. i want to see this happen. I can only be responsible for myself and my actions and walk with God. but I encourage you all to just pray with me everyday for this movement to happen. for this city. for this world.
i was just talking today with someone, and we were talking about "acts of love". and we came to the conclusion that the small acts of love are always the most beautiful and thoughtful acts of love and care. im not just talking a romantic relationship kind of love. im talking about the love that you can show on a daily basis to the homeless man on the corner, or the checkout lady at target....etc. its the smile that can make the world of difference to someone. or inviting them to church; shows you care. this is something i have been more conscious of doing. the small things. it can be anything that involves putting someone else before you, their needs before your needs. even giving a sandwhich to the lady that holds the sign saying "anything helps". there are endless ways. its the small things. the small things can lead to the big things. when we are the hands and feet of the lord, that can lead to the big thing. people's perspectives changing on "christians" because we are showing them love, instead of only preaching love.
prayer. prayer can be a small thing in your mind, but in reality, in the kingdom, it is our most powerful weapon! so pray for the small things, pray for the big things. just pray. just be in constant communication with your God. there is nothing better than this.
i am babbling now.  i can be done now.
my heart burns for this. He is the God of This City. Greater things are YET to come. praise god.

breaking the alabaster box

its been such a good week of pressing in for the more! more of the presence of God in my life. more of His heart for this city. more of His beauty in me so that it overflows onto others. more more more! i cant get enough of Him this week. A lot of revelations of love, purpose, and even more understanding and clarity of why I am where I am right now.

lately, god has been allowing me to let him to be my everything. finding full satisfaction in Him. not just saying it, but believing and living out this full satisfaction in Jesus. for any of you who know me, this is a big deal. one of my biggest heart's desires is to meet my husband. get married. do ministry together. live life together. to meet the man that the lord created for me. i started becoming envious of couples who had been fortunate enough to meet their husbands. i had to bring this to the lord over and over again. was almost becoming an obsession. so my prayer was

(and still is) lord bring me my husband. please. you know the desires of my heart, so how come i am 24 and still not know him? over and over again this was my prayer. I also prayed that the lord would open my heart to what he wants to show me,

without me even asking the lord to show me this specific thing, he did. god is good. he has brought me on this road of discovering full satisfaction in Him and him alone! for real. (to be honest, i was actually afraid to pray that the lord would bring me full satisfaction in Him, because I thought if I did find full satisfaction in Jesus first and foremost, and admit that I don't need a husband, then the lord would find no need to have me get married. silly? yes.

the lord has been showing me what it is to be the woman He created me to be. fully satisfied with where i am right now, instead of being so ready to move on, find my husband, be done with school etc. but enjoy the process. the process of becoming the true woman that god intended me to be. women are not born women. we become women when we become who He wants us to be. it takes a lot of yeilding and recognizing that we will not ever be fully satisfied until we realize we are complete in Jesus, and Jesus alone.

God is such a good and gracious God that He gives us all these other pleasures such as marriage, children, frienships, great carreers, wealth...on the side or in addition to our lives. To experience all these pleasures while already satisfied fully in Jesus is the ultimate!!! None of these things without Jesus can fully satisfy you. To be on the road of finding full satisfaction in these elements will only leave your heart lonely and dissatisfied.

every year that has gone by that I have yet to find my husband, ive become a little more hopeless.

I always remember my mom telling me when i was a little girl that "No man will ever complete you". sure they bring joy, fun, etc. but only full satisfaction comes from Jesus FIRST. i thought she was crazy. but the older i become, the more i realize how true this is.

I cannot wait for the day I am introduced to my husband and get to marry my best friend. He will be the cherry on top of the chocolate peanut butter sundae :) Its normal to think this way. god designed us to be this way. The thought of advancing the kingdom of God with my husband makes me smile among all the other joys that come with marriage and intimate relationship.

As for now, I am truely enjoying where I am in my life. For the first time in a while, I am content, happy, and thriving with where I am. Seriously just loving this stage in my life. Being a student, having a relatively easy job where I get to serve people everyday, helping with Source, developing new friendships, training for 1/2 marathon.. etc. the pleasures and joy that the little things in life bring.

I am breaking my alabaster box at the feet of Jesus. because He is worth it, He deserves it. Everyday pressing into God to be the woman he created and destined me to be. proverbs 31 woman of dilligence, faith, purity, security, contentment, and patience.

He has good things for those who wait. so just love and enjoy the process he is taking you on.

once you experience this revelation, everything changes. :) how exciting.

transition. trust. hope.

it has been a long time since i've written. update. i am currently back in school. love it. my heart is beating again with passion. either nursing or paramedics. both i am very excited about. but lately, God has been calling me back into the things that make my heart rejoice. writing. painting. creating. baking. running.. so here it goes. he has been teaching me many things. its been a CRAZY season. probably the most difficult season i have encountered yet in this young life. no need to go into the details. but circumstances that seem so hopeless you don't even want to wake up the next morning for fear of "what else can go wrong". it seemed like every month i was given more news that filled me with despair and hopelessness. i was filled with despair, left alone, literally alone, as all my closest christian friends moved away to begin a new season of their lives. i didnt know what to do. filled with this despair yet excitement for them as i watched them pursue God and be given amazing opportunities. and i was just here in rochester. boring. (pity party)! through this i learned that God is such a jealous God that he will remove people/things (Anything) from your life that takes the place of Him. It took me so long to understand WHY? i am so grateful for the season of my life when i had these beautiful friends but seems like everyone just moved on. it is not easy meeting solid people in rochester especially when you are single and in your early twenties. hardly anyone stays in rochester at this stage in life. so its always this cycle of getting really close to people and then hearing they are moving away. never fails. in this time i swayed back and forth. my heart cried out I want more Jesus, but my flesh cried out WORLD! i was enjoying the people and "things of this world", played around, and eventually i came crying back to jesus. my spirit, mind and soul just constantly ached to be with the lord. the things and pleasures of this world are so short lived, its not worth it. jesus is the one i come crawling back to everytime. so thankful his mercies are new everymorning!

it has been a very difficult transition. starting over basically. in the midst of this (july) and all the other issues, my momma is diagnosed with cancer. huge shocker and devestation to the family. through prayers, she is doing great and going through treatment. through the power of God, she has been recieving treatment well. but still need to continue to pray cancer is completely gone, and never comes back.

Through this i am learning to thrive where I am. If God wanted me to get out of rochester I would have been LONG gone by now! but i am only waiting for the door to open and His voice to tell me to go. someday.

God has been giving me this brand new hope. reminding me that no matter how bad things are today, there is hope for my beautiful future. plans to prosper me, not to harm me. the joy of the lord is very much my strength these days! He will give me the desires of my heart! and oh my goodness, He KNOWS my desires! to fall in love and be loved, be a mom, to travel the world and love the unloved, be a friend to the friendless, a mentor, the less fortunate, minister to the broken women who have gone through "hell" in the sex industry ... and just have fun and live everyday like its my last!

my heart rejoices today even if everything seems to be falling apart. somehow i can honestly say i trust in the lord more than i ever have before. he has given me this peace that surpasses all understanding! He calls me by my name and tells me i am beautiful, tells me I have power, gives me strength, ignites my passions, gives me reason to live and best of all, HOPE! hope is powerful.

This life is full of ups and downs, but through it all, He walks with me through the fire!

Love..

Yes love. love is on the brain. ...
Today i watched the movie "Letters to Juliet". and wow. it was so good. i came home giddy and of course anticipating my love story to begin... how can you not watch a romantic love story and not be excited to meet your soulmate? :) yes. i am a romantic who loves sappy love stories. and yes i thrive on love. its just the way God made me. i love watching two people fall in love, love seeing a couple who has been together for fifty years holding hands and walking down the street.. its only beautiful and timeless. and the thing that gets me the most is the scene with the bride and groom who are about to get married... there is nothing more choking and emotional to me than seeing the groom wait for his bride to walk down the aisle. he waits with a passion and an anticipation that can only be described by the look in his eyes. as he see's his long awaited bride walk down the aisle, his passion grows and can hardly be contained. you can see it in both the bride and the grooms eyes. the moment they have both waited for has finally come. the bride walking, pure as can be, in the dress that makes her feel the most beautiful she has ever felt.. and the groom just stares.. and smiles.. and they look at eachother and realize this is the moment they will commit the rest of their days to and with eachother. how amazing is this...

both you and i will or already have had this most special moment happen. but if you are a lover of God, yes, will happen in heaven.. Yes, Jesus, your husband is waiting for you. He is standing at the end of the alter just waiting and anticipating your arrival to the church, waiting for the doors to fling open and waiting to see His beautiful spotless bride walk down the aisle.. oh yes. brings tears to your eyes? mine too.
Song of Songs 4
"you have stolen my heart, with just one glance of your eyes.. yes". this says it all. Jesus, is just waiting for you to look at Him and be forever captivated by His eyes of love.
this is the picture i saw as I was thinking about this. i pictured it and it was me walking down the aisle in my white dress, and He was waiting for me. I just began crying as I pictured this.. there is nothing more amazing than thinking that the love of your life is waiting for you. the love of my life is the creator of the universe! after all the times He pursued me, and woed me, and I fell in love. and then I fell away and took interest in everything but Him, but He still called me by name and pursued me daily and said "nothing you do or do not do will take my love away from you. Come away my love, I have plans for you, its not too late, its gonna be full of me". This is Jesus! this is my husband!

I took His and and as He took mine i realized everything about this was perfect. as soon as i walked to Him, He said " can I have this dance". and I said Yes. This was my Yes for eternity. I said Yes to Jesus, my lover, my husband, my best friend. and we will forever dance into all eternity.

love is a beautiful thing. whether it is two people falling in love or falling in dancing the eternal dance with Jesus ... we were all made to love. :)

living in beauty requires much waiting, and much time. My gaze is directed towards the face of God. the longer i wait for my love story to begin, the more my heart is enlarged. I have learned throughout this waiting period that God does not always give me what I want when I want it. and yes, it is sometimes painful. but the more I wait, the more heightened, the more delightful it is to picture the moment I am waiting for.

For I am awakened.

the lord wants me to write again... okay God:)

two years since i've written. God told me I need to begin writing again, so I said okay.. and the joy in writing has come and I love it! This time I am not writing on the beautiful enchanting island of Maui, or the remote jungles of Indonesia or from a little cyber cafe in thailand. I am sitting in my home, writing from my desktop listening to the most beautiful sound ever created.. voices being raised as they worship the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. :)
Alot has happened over the last two years. I came home to minnesota from the best six months of my life trusting that the Lord would reveal His plan to me. I struggled with making the decision to commit the next two years of my life to staff for ywam. i ended up turning down the opportunity, my dream, due to fear. my heart, and my passion is for women. restoring value, beauty and worth that has been stolen from them throughout their lives. so i was praying about my next step and i felt the Lord was calling me into cosmetology. doing hair. really? i never saw myself as the type to do hair.. i thought I would always be a nurse, or do business, something I could define myself by with having an education.. but God had other plans... I enrolled in school in September 2009 and graduated March 2010.
School was exciting but also the hardest year of my life. Rediscovering what the world, the beauty industry, is like, entering into an environment where smoking, drinking and sex is the norm. Struggling to remember my identity is in the Lord and not outward appearance. it was a life of competition everyday in body image, fashion, talent, etc.
This was when relationship and growth with the Lord skyrocketed. Even though I constantly felt like I was being dragged down in this cosmetology lifestyle, I realize now this is when I sought the Lord the hardest and the more I seeked Him the more I found Him and the more I found Him the more I could say No and walk away from the daily temptations.
I had the best most God-divine friends I could ask for. I had been praying for them 4 months before I even came home. God immediately within a month of coming back to Rochester put them in my lives. I thank God for my beautiful friends that stood with me over the last 1 1/2 years through the best and worse times of my life.:) divine.
So this leads to what am I doing now?
Well, my heart aches and burns to be back in the missions field. I long to be back in the most remote jungles, just loving, serving, praying and reaching people from every culture, tribe and tongue. I feel led to go to Tijuana Mexico for a missions trip this summer that is being hosted by Bethel. I am praying for finances to come together. Trip costs $350 and then I need a plane ticket to go. I would ask that you would agree with me in praying for provision for this trip! I am also hoping to be a counselor for a signs and wonders children's camp this summer at lake geneva. so there are some exciting ministry doors the lord is bringing me into this summer. YAY!
But for now, I am serving... at bakers square.. :) serving people in this manner, doing what I can. praying to find a job in a salon when the timing is right. excited to hold my shears again, and help another person see the beauty the Lord has given them:)
Running everyday, right now i am running about three miles a day, and working my way back up to seven. love running. it gets me away from realities of my life for a little while. Keeping my eyes fixed on the goal and run and run and run until i get there.
I have found a new joy in painting. i love it. love letting the Lord move my hand and paint the picture He wants to paint. I am saying "pick me up like a paintbrush.. dip your paintbrust and paint the colors of my life.
It has been one of the hardest seasons of my life. I am finally learning to let go of my control issues. because there are these circumstances in my life that I can no longer control or change, the only thing I can do is sit back, pray, hope and believe for the thing i am hoping for and say "okay lord" this is your battle not mine. He is fighting for me:)

So there is a little update of my life over the last two years. going for a run now:) Stay tuned for more!
that is all for now:)

well hello! i thought i would just update everyone a lil on whats been going on since I got home from Maui! well miss it all so much. I miss all my beautiful friends.I miss southeast asia. I miss everything about ywam. it was the most amazing life changing six months of my life. so Ive been home for almost 2 months now and it definitely is a huge challenge being home and away from a constant 24/7 godly environment along with getting back into everyday life of working.. but i guess that is just reality. its brought me a lot closer to the lord and has given me vision and perspective for the future. after months of praying about my calling for life I really felt God telling me to go back into missions and to come back on staff with ywam! so currently I am in the middle of the application process and awaiting to hear if I have been accepted or not! I plan on coming back to Maui in March 09 so this will give me time to work and raise money for staff fee's. It will cost around 300 dollars a month to be on staff. I am so excited to pursue this calling, serve the base, encourage and disciple students and help send them off to southeast asia and hopefully lead teams on outreaches! i am happy about the calling the lord has placed on my life. its not just for maui or southeast asia, its everywhere i am everyday of my life. missions is a lifestyle and you don't have to overseas to be a missionary! thats the beauty of it all. we are all called to be missionaries. anyways, just a quick lil update and ill write more when i find out ive been accepted! please be praying! thanks!

back in maui

hmmm back in maui. paradise. its beautiful. its good to be back on amerian soil. got back last night after 2 days of long flights home. god is good and faithful. i am still overwhelmed by everything amazing that happened on outreach. where do you even start when someone asks you about it? it was so amazing and lifechanging and god showed me what missions really is. i feel like the indonesians blessed me more than we blessed them.. anyways he has given me vision and peace about what He wants for my life for the future. still surrendering and giving him my life and always will. this week will be super busy. debriefing with other teams and spending as much time as possible with my team. hopefully exploring more of the island before i leave. testimony night. grad night. so excited. my friends whom i will be leaving in a week. so sad. but am ready to go home. use what the lord has taught me here in maui. missing home. kinda scared about leaving this environment. discipline will be necessary when it comes to my relationship with the lord. anyways just rambling. love you all and miss you.