intimacy.

life for the past three months has been... life changing. exhilarating. captivating. challenging. adventorous. amazing. did things i never thought i was capable of doing. grew closer to god. fell in love with him more and more each day. i was given his heart for the people in southeast asia. thailand. indonesia. malaysia. brunei. its been amazing. i fell in love with the lord and with that came falling in love with serving people for the lord. god taught me so many things as he brought me through so many challenges. but each challenge drew me closer to my loving savior and caused me to cry out to him in all hardships. we spent the most time in indonesia. two months. traveled around 25 villages in 50 days. did 48 church services. childrens ministry. sports ministry. house visits. manual labor. teaching english. prayer walks. all in 50 days. an amazing 50 days. we encouraged. we discipled. we prayed for specific needs in house visits. we watched people break down and cry as we had just given them words from the lord. yes. house visits were where we got to meet people in the villages and encourage, disciple and pray specifically for needs. fell in love with the indonesians. the children. became best friends with 2 little girls natalia and litha. stayed at a village with them for 10 days. they followed me everywhere holding my hand as we walked together. sprained my ankle one day and they helped me up and walked me back to the house. children are blessings and gifts from god. was able to pour god's love on every person i met. language difference but that didnt stop us from the universal language..smile. god met us there. i met him all over again. amazing. so many stories. so little time.

as i am in brunei god has been doing so many amazing things. brunei is a small closed country on the island of borneo. the majority of the population in muslim. in fact christians are persecuted all the time.there is only one legal church in this country. people are not allowed to drink alcohol or smoke. curfew is at 10pm so they dont disturb the peace. its an extremely wealthy country. for the last week we've gotten involved with the church. we've been working with the youth and the youth leaders and these people are amazing! they are filled with so much passion, zeal and fire for the lord. even though they face persecution and punishment for the lord that doesnt stop them from serving the lord with ALL their heart soul and mind. worshiping with people of every tribe. nation. toungue. its a privelige. its something i cant describe. moves me to tears of joy to see people from different nations and tongues worshiping and serving the lord with all their hearts. i have fallen in love with missions. so exciting.

two days ago i fell in love with the lord all over again as he answered my prayers about intimacy. he revealed so much to me about intimacy with christ that i never understood before. this is what i wrote in my journal...

Lord. i long for deep intimacy with you. just as a woman longs for her husband to pursue her, you long for me to pursue you. to run after you. to love you. how mindblowing is that you want me to love you. pursue and run after you. who am i that you want me to pursue you?
get this. the vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships with us. God yearns for relationship with us. its the reason we were created. from cover to cover of the bible, gods cry is "why wont you chose me"? jeremiah 29:13 says "when you seek me with all your heart you will find me". he's crying out "look for me.pursue me.chase me. i wont just give myself to you you have to find me. i wont let you in unless i know you love me. you must seek me with all your heart and pursue me. he deserves our pursuit and to be sought after. god wants to be wanted. just as a woman longs to be desired so god longs to be desired. god yearns to share a life of intimacy, beauty and adventure with us. life with god should be a great romance. lord thank you for this new revelation. i desire a great romance with you. come by my lover, lets run away together you and I hand in hand. you desire to be wanted by me! I want you Jesus. you dont have to wait anymore cuz here i am answering to the knock on the door. i am at your feet i total surrender. here i am saying i love you my lover. my body is a living sacrifice to yo. i am here on this earth to be in relationship and romance with you and to bring glory to your name in all circumstances. I long for deep intimacy with you. my friend. lover of my soul. whats on your heart right now? let your light live in me so i shine brighter than the stars. breathe life into me holy spirit. it blows me away that you came down to earth and took the weight of the world on your shoulders for me. and yet you wanna be loved by me. thank you jesus!. dying on the cross was not all you came to earth for but you came to rescue me and set me free. you came for the brokenhearted. you came to ransom me and heal me. my broken wounded bleeding heart. jesus. you are a gentleman. you stand. you wait at the door knocking waiting for us to answer. but you do not force yourself on us. instead you wait for us. no matter how long it takes. you wait. when we try and find salvation in other things you intervene and make that salvation miserable so the only thing we wanna do is turn to you. Song of Songs says "you have stolen my heart my sister my bride". wait what? did the god of the universe just say I stole his heart? what? god says he is our bridegroom and i am his lover. his fiance. his bride. i am loved with a perfect everlasting love that will never forsake me. he will never break my heart. even though ive broken his heart timea and time again. he will never break mine. lord, ive been waiting for this intimacy. this love all my life and finally i am beginign to understand intimacy with christ and its blowing me away! ever since i was a little girl you have been in love with me waiting for me to understand how you love me. im not satisfied. i desire you. i want you. i love you. i need you to be the lover of my life. my hope is in you jesus. you are my portion. my life. i will wait for you as long as it takes. i will pursue you.chase you.run after you. wash over me. come be my intimate lover in this life you have given me. i am amazed. captivated. by this new profound revelation of the love and intimacy of christ. i feel like i just fell in love with you all over again!
anyways, thats just a little preview of the intimacy that christ has revealed to me. little preview of outreach.running out of time. oh how i love internet cafes. maui in 5 days. home sweet home in 14 days:) love and miss you all.